They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
