i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
