I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
