You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
