I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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