Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
