Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
