if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
