i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
