They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
