piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
