you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
