Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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