We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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