hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
