dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
