I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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