There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
