apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I intend to get homeless drunk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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