that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
