I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
