O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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