His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
