i think my mom watched the whole time
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
