Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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