New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
