i think my tv is drunk
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
