Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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