Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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