I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
