So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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