I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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