Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
