Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
