Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
