Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
