please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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