hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
