you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
