Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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