Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
