god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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