You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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