There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
