Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
