is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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