jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
