Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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