good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
