I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
