I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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