It's Friday. Sex?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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